"I’d like to destroy you a few times in bed."

— Ernest Hemingway, The Snows of Kilimanjaro  (via stxxz)

"

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eight years old, she’s got pink cheeks that her grandmother calls chubby. She wants a second cookie but her aunt says “you’ll get huge if you keep eating.” She wants a dress and the woman in the changing room says “she’ll probably need a large in that.” She wants to have dessert and her waiter says “After all that dinner you just had? You must be really hungry!” and her parents laugh.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is eleven and she is picked second-to-last in gym class. She watches a cartoon and sees that everyone who is annoying is drawn with a big wide body, all sweaty and panting. At night she dreams she is swelling like the ocean over seabeds. When she wakes up, she skips school.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is thirteen and her friends are stick-thin ballerinas with valleys between their hipbones. She is instead developing the wide curves of her mother. She says she is thick but her friends argue that she’s “muscular” and for some reason this hurts worse than just admitting that she jiggles when she walks and she’ll never be a dancer. Eating seconds of anything feels like she’s breaking some unspoken rule. The word “indulgent” starts to go along with “food.”

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fourteen and she has stopped drinking soda and juice because they bloat you. She always takes the stairs. She fidgets when she has to sit still. Whenever she goes out for ice cream, she leaves half at the bottom - but someone else always leaves more and she feels like she’s falling. She pretends to like salad more than she does. She feels eyes burrowing through her body while she eats lunch. Kate Moss tells her nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but she just feels like she is wilting.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is fifteen the first time her father says “you’re getting gaunt.” She rolls her eyes. She eats one meal a day but thinks she stays the same size. Every time she picks up a brownie she thinks of the people she sees on t.v. and every time she has cake, she thinks of the one million magazine articles on restricting calories. She used to have no idea a flat stomach was supposed to be beautiful until she saw advice on how to achieve it. She cuts back on everything. She controls. They tell her she’s getting too thin but she doesn’t believe it.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is sixteen and tearing herself into shreds in order for a thigh gap big enough to hush the screams in her head. She doesn’t “indulge,” ever. She can’t go out with friends, they expect her to eat. She damns her sweet tooth directly to hell. It’s coffee for breakfast and tea for lunch and if there’s dance that evening, two cups of water and then maybe an apple. She lies all the time until she thinks the words will rot her teeth. She dreams about food when she sleeps. Her aunt begs her to eat anything, even just a small cookie. They say, “One bite won’t make you fat, will it, darling?”

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is seventeen and too sick to go to prom because she can’t stand up for very long. She thinks she wouldn’t look good in a dress anyway. Her nails are blue and not because they are painted. Her hair is too thin to do anything with. She’s tired all the time and always distracted. She once absently mentions the caloric value of grapes to the boy she is with and he looks at her like she’s gone insane and in that moment she realizes most people don’t have numbers constantly scrolling in their heads. She swallows hard and tries to figure out where it all went wrong, why more than a granola bar for a meal makes her feel sick, why she tastes disease and courts with death. She misses sleep. She misses being able to dream. She misses being herself instead of just being empty.

A FAT LITTLE GIRL
is twenty and writes poetry and is a healthy weight and still fights down the voices every single day. She puts food in her mouth and sometimes cries about it but more and more often feels good, feels balanced. Her cheeks are pink and they are chubby and soft and no longer growing slight fur. Her hair is long and it is beautiful. She still picks herself apart in the mirror, but she’s starting to get better about it. She wears the dress she likes even if it only fits her in a large and she doesn’t feel like a failure for it. She is falling in love with the fat on her hips.

She is eating out with friends and not worrying about finding the lowest calorie item on the menu when she hears a mother tell her four year old daughter “You can’t have ice cream, we just had dinner.
You don’t want to end up as a fat little girl.”

"

Why do we constantly do this to our children? /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

"I miss what I’ve never had."

— Six word story. (via coca-koala)

"And the night smells like snow.
Walking home for a moment
you almost believe you could start again.
And an intense love rushes to your heart,
and hope. It’s unendurable, unendurable."

— Franz Wright, closing lines to “Night Walk” from God’s Silence (via oofpoetry)

"I want all my secrets back"

— six word story  (via slutstatus)

"And then Christ said to His disciples, “Feed the hungry, cure the sick, and give to the poor. Unless, of course, that organization allows openly gay people to work for it—in which case the greater priority is to pull your financial support for those works and focus on condemning them—the sick, hungry, and poor will manage."

— The Gospel of Conservative Americans (via thepotentiallyreverend)

"The biggest deception of the past thousand years is this: to confuse poverty with stupidity."

— Orhan Pamuk (via wordsnquotes)

"I am the most deprived and needy of beings."

— Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959 (via hellanne)

"I knew the second I met you that there was something about you I needed. Turns out it wasn’t something about you at all. It was just you."

— Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster  (via sleepychick)

"I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married. Spare me from cooking three meals a day—spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free… I want, I want to think, to be omniscient."

— Sylvia Plath written in 1949 at age 17.  (via impiraminum)

"I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday."

— Lemony Snicket (via siftingflour)

"Alcohol tastes better when I’m tasting it from your lips."

— Day 1 of 365 - c0ves (via perfect)

"I still feel that kiss sometimes."

— (Six word story #12)

"My grandparents divorced 22 years ago.
My grandma has remarried three different times
and my grandfather hasn’t even looked at another
woman.
When I asked him what went wrong,
he said, “You can love someone with everything
inside of you, but you can never make them
love you forever. I was a fool to think she
wouldn’t leave me.”"

Amanda Helm, Wandering Souls (via amandaspoetry)

"One day I will forgive you; until then there are scabs everywhere that you have touched me."

— Salvador Plascencia, The People of Paper (via perfect)